面具之内

看完的最大感受是 男生也是会脆弱的 而且那种要求他们只能强势的要求，导致他们无法表达内心的感受和求助，更容易走向极端 暴力色情电子游戏，色情链接，性侵，都产生消极的影响 而我想这不仅仅是美国的现象 男孩子高中和初中仿佛一夜长大一夜沉默 然而美国的年轻人如此沉溺于酒精大麻 无意义放荡 不禁让我怀疑这是否会毁了一代人 和我以往的认识似乎不一样 我以为中国年轻人的创造力是被应试教育所磨灭 但不那么严谨苛刻的教育在美国高中竟然会这副样子 当然纪录片样本量也许不够大 不能覆盖所有类别的高中 但他们的娱乐方式 确实有点…过于放任 而且无意义的意思是 也许每个高中生都挣扎 中国的是以成绩唯一论 美国是用酒精等麻痹神经 成长的寂寞伤痛都用另一种方式去掩盖 而我也从另一个层面理解导致暴力的原因 片面的理解男子汉气概 受到不良媒体文化的影响 对女性和关系的错误认识 青年时代对于男性理解导致的校园暴力 害怕被群体里的人抛弃而放弃阻止暴力 童年时遭受过暴力 和父母的关系 最后影片也强调了人的完整

以前很少看纪录片的，最近迷上了纪录片和播客，以前对知识的理解就是考上好大学，成绩优异，自带学霸光环，认为这就是就是自己的价值与意义，但是当我去努力拓宽自己认知的边界，我发现，世界上有太多的知识与看待人生的方式值得我去探索。自我探索与发现是一个无穷无尽的过程，当发现自己努力成长，努力从不同的角度建立自己的三观，努力去思考，我发现人生实在是太奇妙，太美好了。并不是说学霸光环不能成为人生的意义，恰恰相反，它可能是个阶梯，能促使我们更快的找到自己的价值。下面说说这部片子吧，男性总是生活在面具之下，这是文化，制度，进化演变而来的面具，男性喜欢用阳刚，力量，征服，控制等词来描绘自己，男性被从小灌输不准哭，不准像个女孩子，不准抱怨，不准表达自己的情绪。体育与竞技游戏，都在传递着暴力，征服，权力，强大，正因为这样当今的男孩很难成为一个完整的人。社会要求他们坚强，并隐藏悲伤，其实成为一个具有同理心，有责任感的男人比暴力，征服欲旺盛，具有男子气概的男人更为社会所需要。美国暴力犯罪，强奸案，性侵案频发，是社会的价值观与社会媒体共同作用导致的。男孩子在很早就看到了网站推送的黄色图片，视频，而这些传递的是女性被征服，女性被认为是物品，男性的意义在于征服女人，让女人服务于它，这都是社会传递给男性的。男性从小认为女孩子是软弱的，男性优越感被从小灌输，他们不懂得尊重女人，更不懂得合作。这导致亲密关系中存在暴力，压迫等问题。如何让男人成为真正的人，完整的人，而不是被社会的压力驱使，男性化的男孩子得到赞美，没有阳刚气的男孩子被歧视，这需要家庭，学校，社会，媒体，科学共同的努力。母亲要建立与孩子的良好的关系，充足的安全感，充分的交流，父亲要教孩子如何成为一个人，一个完整的，可以表达情感的人。学校的老师要知道每个孩子都有潜力，每个孩子可以做到最好，社会需要引导孩子，树立正确的两性观。社会需要健康的孩子，而不是从小梦想着成为超级英雄，活在游戏、酒精、虚拟的世界里。让男孩子回归社会，让他们善于合作，是我们需要共同努力的。

这部纪录片主要是美国学者谈论美国现行文化对男性内心感受缺乏关照的问题。

影片中有个让我感慨的片段：辅导员发给每个在场的男学生一张纸做的面具，并让学生在面具的正面写上他们想让别人看到的自己，背面写上他们内心中真实的自己。学生给出的答案都呈现出表里的反差，表面阳光却心藏阴影。

正面：幽默、快乐、有趣、外向、

背面：愤怒、害怕、痛苦、孤独、

辅导员&一名参与活动的男学生

坚强不哭的人有他非凡的意义：危难的时候他们的存在关乎众人的生死存亡。当然需不需要把所有的男性都培养成为坚强不哭的人，这个时代或许有它新的答案。

坚强有担当固然可敬，可是以错误的方式将一个男孩培养成一种暴力、吸烟、喝酒、不负责任的、狭隘的男人，真是不幸。可是在一些群体的观念当中，仿佛暴力、抽烟、喝酒、不负责任、狭隘都比天真、软弱、敏感的男人要好。

哎。

有一种观念、逻辑是：虐待、羞辱一个男孩，能激励他反抗，变强，最终变成一个强大的男人。的确，有的男孩为了得到他父亲的认可，经历痛苦的童年和青年，后来变得很强大。当然，也有的男孩由于童年经历，心里积累下难以化解的悲哀、仇恨、痛苦。

时代变了，像其他领域的分工一样，不用所有男性都打仗；职业化的、专业化的一部分男性和女性就可以满足全社会的防卫、进攻、救援等需求。剩下的人口可以按照性格特点从事其他对社会有益的事业，比如：文化教育、设计、医护、演艺、创作等等。

有学者说：男孩总是以他的父亲为标准，来衡量自己的男性气质

男孩子需要友谊、陪伴、谅解、爱、情感的表达、安慰、温暖。

我们需要如何培养男孩女孩，把他们培养成怎样的男人女人

He wears a mask,and his face grows to fit it.--George Orwell

We've constructed an idea of masculinity in the United States that doesn't give young boys a way to feel secure in their masculinity,so we make them go prove it all the time.

The first lie every boy learns in America is we associate masculinity with athletic ability.Size,strength,or some kind of skill set.Those boys that can catch a down and out,or hit the hanging curve,are elevated.They're set up for a tremendous failure and frustration in life,because being a man doesn't have a single thing to do with athletic ability.You think about all the other boys on that playground,they don't just want to play sports,they want to do computers or music or drama or debate.

Second lie every boy learns,is that we associate masculinity with economic success.You know,it's been said that comparison is the thief of all happiness,so if you're building your sense of masculinity based on power or possessions,there's always going to be someone that has more,that leads to an incredible empty life of striving for things at the expense of what's really important in life.

Then the third criteria is that as a culture,we associate sexual conquest with masculinity.Associating that with masculinity is so dehumanizing.Those words are designed to keep boys silent,to keep them conforming to the construct.

There's a dominance hierarchy,there are tough guys who are on the top and there are weaklings,girls,who are the bottom of the heap.Now this is the origin of sexism and homophobia.In sexism,it's that a girl isn't as strong as a boy.With homosexuality,the gay man,becomes the most stigmatized version of weakness and sissiness.What happens in your relation with other kids,is that you pick out someone who appears weak in that way,you maybe bully him,but maybe it's just a more subtle kind of demeaning.And you start hating that thing about him that you're afraid of in yourself.

We recognize more and more that adolescents are more likely to be depressed and suicidal,but we imagine that that will be female adolescence,because of the way we define depression,more removed,more quiet,not responding.What boys tend to do when they are getting depressed,is actually the opposite.Boys are more likely to act out,they're more likely to become aggressive using cursing words and screaming at people.But most people see it as a conduct disorder,or just the bad kid...and what happens?Before they see the other signs of depression,which will come in adolescent males just as females,that young male may become suicidal but no one has noticed it.

We have a rape culture.What that means is that individual rapists aren't just crawling out of the swamp,they're being produced by our culture.

We live in a world,right here in our country,where men 's violence against women is at epidemic proportions.

I call what we do to our little boys and men,"the great setup".We raise boys to become men whose very identity is based on rejecting the feminine and then we are surprised when they don't see women as being fully human.So we set them up,we set boys up to grow into men who disrespect women at a fundamental level,and then we wonder why we have the culture that we have.

One of the things that has provoked so much anger in American Society today,is this notion of "aggrieved entitlement"--that men feel entitled to positions of power and all that.But they don't feel like they're getting them as much anymore.That's the injury.Not that I was in power,but that I was entitled to be.

The father wound is any on-going psychological,emotional deficit or injury that would have been met in a healthy relationship.So the father wound is probably one of the most serious issues in this country.Wounding boys become wounding men apart from some kind of intervention.In my own healing process,I took myself as an adult man and myself as a five-year old boy,and I walked both of them back down my mother's basement steps and there I confronted my father.Five-year old boys are supposed to be loved,they're supposed to be tucked in at night.It's an amazing thing when I did that work,because it was the first time I ever had empathy for my own father.I started to think about who hurt him in a way that he would be so angry as he was?I think every man's journey is how do you reconnect that heart to the head.To start living out of the authentic you.

Everyone deserves to feel whole.And each of us can do our part in expanding what it means to be a man for ourselves and the boys in our lives.

Many of us are operating,from a place of tradition,just the way things have been.We need to get men into their hearts and out of their heads.There's freedom outside of these rigid definitions of manhood.

We need to redefine strength in men,not as the power over other people,but as forces for justice,and justice means equality and fairness,and working against poverty,and working against,you know,inequality and violence.That's strength.And we need more men who have the courage to stand up and speak out,even when it means taking a risk.To go into male culture,and say some things that are going to make other men uncomfortable.Because this is about leadership.

Empathy and caring for other people and being sympathetic toward people,these are not just feminine traits or behavior patterns,these are human patterns.

Take the challenge.

Exert your influence.

We all have a role to play in creating a healthier culture.

这是一个讨论美国文化对年轻男性心理影响的纪录片。大众文化将男性与愤怒，暴力，和物化女性联系在一起。在教育男孩的时候，经常听到人说“像个男孩一样”。什么是像个男孩一样呢？就是不能哭，苦是软弱的象征；不能暴露感情，因为那是“女孩才会做的事”。 所以小孩子从三四岁的时候就开始学着隐藏自己的感情。说出这些话的，上学前是家长，上学后是同伴，老师，和教练。

而造成这样价值观，更大的原因是主流媒体，电影，和游戏里对男性特性的期待和描述。他们一般都是冷酷暴力，挥金如土，花天酒地的白人男性。过度渲染这种形象的危险性在于，在大家向这种形象靠拢的过程中常常丢失自我。而在寻找自己这个过程中迷茫，却迫于“男性形象”的压力不能以悲伤和脆弱的方式表现出来，于是转为愤怒和暴力，向周围宣泄。

1. 没有办法再脱离女性权利的基础上讨论男性 虽然这部纪录片是讲述男性成长的，但里面清楚的记录了男性刻板要求对于女性的不公。其中有几个教育家指出在对男孩说“别像个女孩儿一样”这种话的同时，暗示着他们女孩更加弱小更低档。其实男性和女性都可以喜欢运动，喜欢艺术，喜欢剧场，喜欢任何他们可以喜欢的，不用非在某一个条条框框里。把这种性别指示强的话拿走，对于所有人的成长都是有帮助的。

2. 对于强大的定义 肌肉，金钱和女人。 这只是媒体过于简化的结果。当人对于强大的定义是外界指标的时候，是一定会失败的。你有肌肉，一定会有人比你更强；有钱，一定会有人有更多。不单是现实，如果考虑到虚构作品，更是无穷无尽。所以要从内心出发，不要被外界影响。

3. 面具里面有什么 一个老师让他的学生们在面具正面写上想让大家看到的自己，背面写下隐藏起来的内心。正面都是积极阳光的话，而背面则经常出现“不安”，“愤怒”一类的词。印象很深的是有一个男孩写了很多“想我爸爸，必须照顾自己的弟弟，伤心”。其实青少年的内心都是脆弱敏感的，而女生比女生有更多机会倾诉。“抑郁和伤心”被视为软弱和女性化，所以男生在疏解自己情绪上没有有效的途径。如果大家更加包容，男生和女生一样可以哭，会更有利于男生的心理健康。

片子里面有个游戏，叫做“If you really know me, you would know that...” 我在想如果是我的话我会说什么。如果你真的懂我，你会发现我渴望别人认同，但是非常没有安全感。习惯性避免冲突，总是做出更多让步，对于我来说，获得别人喜欢比获得成功更加重要。